echos of you
i know you don't like this city. i don't like it here either. i know you said that i helped you see it differently. you did the same for me. for me, so many places have been tainted by other people. i know you probably don't want to hear about it but i think it's important. maybe not for you to know about it but as an aid to my point.
almost every place i've ever been means something to me. every place i've been with someone else reminds me of them. this whole city seems to be littered with places i've been on good dates with decent people that things ended badly with. well, maybe not badly, but not ideally at the time. when i think about eating at certain restaurants or sitting in certain parks, i can't help but think of times i've spent with other people.
i don't feel good about it though. i don't look back at these memories fondly. whenever i walk down certain streets that certain people live or have lived on, i don't feel good. not because of the time at any of these places in themselves were bad, but no almost-relationship every worked out before. they all ended with me in tears over what has been, what could have been, and the idea of me being alone again.
we've talked about something like this before, how movies or music can endlessly remind you of someone and how horrible this can be. we also talked about how someone can change that. without really meaning to, you showed me two things: how a place can be just a place, and how it can be so much more.
i don't want to make it seem like i took you to places that had an ugly memory attached to it just to get rid of it. that never happened. what did was that we went to places together and the whole block of wherever it was now had the memory of you and i love that.
these aren't all the places i wanted to include. there are so many more. there are at least three more i can think of, one being that jj bean, when i first really consciously thought that i love you. here are a few, though. i loved every minute we spend at these places. i loved the days they were in. I'm glad i could be there with you.
in a text you sent me a while ago, after we decided to not talk for a whopping three or so days (that was a joke, those three or so days were the worst) you said that you've been living in echoes of me in your spare moments. that stuck with me and when i was thinking about doing something in tribute to the time we shared, the thought that there are all these places we've been together and all these little memories we've made had me thinking about how i used to feel about places, as i mentioned before. every place i've been with you is in my mind with the idea of you attached to it, and i know that if i ever go there without you, or even if i'm passing by, i'll think of you. i already do.